When one of my babies are sick, I go into automatic mommy mode. This Mommy mode allows me to take care of my sick baby at any cost. When my baby needs extra love and comforting, it doesn’t matter how tired I am or how many other things I need to do. Most of the time I end up catching whatever sickness they have because nothing will stop me from holding them in my arms and kissing them when they need it most.
It is amazing to me this instinct that women have, that allows us to do things that we never thought were possible. When I was a young girl growing up, I was never one of those girls that day dreamed of getting married and having children. Don’t get me wrong, I knew I wanted those things, I was just more focused on going to college and having a career. So when I met the love of my life at 21 years old, got married at 22 years old and had my first child at 24 years old, you can imagine how fearful I was of the future. I was only fearful because of the unknown. Was I going to be a good wife? Was I going to be a good mom? Can I take care of another human being?
It’s normal to have fears as a mom but I promise the automatic mommy mode will kick in and you will look back and think, how did I survive that? Whether you’re up all night feeding a newborn baby or you’re up all night comforting your sick child, just remember that even though it feels impossible, we are built for this. Maybe it’s a chemical reaction in our brains, maybe is adrenaline, I don’t know the science behind it, I just know that it is there to get us through the hard times.
I just have to take a moment to vent… I HATE MY JOB. Yes, I have a full time job. As much as I like blogging, it doesn’t pay the bills. I am stuck in a career that is male orientated, where women are not taken seriously. I am stuck at a desk all day long, in a room with tan walls and no windows. Like most people in the world, I am over worked and under paid. When I am at work I don’t complain, I just keep my head down and do my job but I still have to listen to everyone around me complain.
There are days that I dream about marching into my boss’s office and quitting. Then reality hits and I am back in the real world, where I have bills to pay and children to feed. It wasn’t always like this, there was a time when I love my job. When I thought I was making a difference and actually helping people. I was focused and wanted to work my way up the ladder. Then it seemed like the further I got up the ladder, the more I got screwed. Now I wish I could go back down the ladder where things were simpler.
I feel like life is too short to spend most of your day at a job that you hate but what am I supposed to do? I can’t quit a job I have been in for over 10 years and start at square one. It’s like being in a long-term relationship, you get to a point where there is no turning back. You have invested so much time and effort, and you don’t want it to be for nothing. I have built up so much vacation time and I hold the health insurance for my family. Maybe this is just the Monday blues or maybe everyone hates there job and that’s just how it is in the real world. How am I supposed to encourage my children to go to college and find a job that they love, when I am not sure that really exist?
I haven’t been able to post for over a week because I have been very busy at work. There was not much to post from last week anyway. I was very disappointed in my Week 3 Weigh-In. I have been strict about my diet, I only give myself one cheat meal a week. For some reason I only lost .5 pound in Week 3. I couldn’t believe it when I looked at the scale, all I could think was all this hard work for a half pound, it wasn’t worth it! I decided to suck it up, put on my big girl panties and move on. I wasn’t going to let one weigh-in discourage me.
Week 4 was off to a good start, I have been eating a lot of fruits and vegetables because they are 0 points on Weight Watchers. Yes, above is an actual picture of my snack and yes it is in my car, I wasn’t lying about being busy. Not a lot of exercising, just a few walks/runs in the evenings. I know I need to drink more water but I don’t like water, so I am working on that. I joined a Facebook group of girls that are on the same weight loss journey, so we encourage each other. It is nice to have a support system and see that they are going though the same things I am. So weigh-in day has come and I was not hopeful. When I stepped on the scale I could not believe my eyes, I lost 4 pounds! That puts my current weight at 183.8 pounds. My total weight loss after 4 weeks on Weight Watchers is 10.2 pounds!
I know 10.2 pounds seems like a lot and a realistic, so I know that not all months will be like this one. I am just going to keep going and do the best I can, that is all I can ask of myself.
The other day I was in the restroom with my six year old and I walked out of the bathroom stall to see him waving his arms around like a crazy person. I said what are you doing? He said I am trying to get the paper towels to come out. Except this paper towel dispenser was not motion censored and you had to pull the lever on the side to get the paper towels to come out. At that moment it dawned on me that motion censored paper towels dispensers and even motion censored sinks was all he really knew. It was a normal mainstream thing to him and he probably thought the manual paper towel dispenser was an antique.
It really got me thinking about all the different things that are normal to my children, which I never dreamed of as a child. For example cell phones are a completely normal thing these days, if you don’t have a cell phone you are consider weird or outcast. People feel like they are lost without their cell phones, it’s an extension of them and it never leaves their sight. I don’t remember when I got my first cell phone but I remember my first beeper. Yes, I said beeper. They were the coolest thing when we were young with all the different color cases. We didn’t have text messages but we had beeper codes. You know the codes that were numbers but looked like letters and spelled something out, like 6000*843 for GOOD BYE and 1*177155*400 for I MISS YOU.
There are many other things that are so different now. Like computers, they have come a long way since I was young but do you remember Encyclopedias? When I was a kid and I needed help with my homework, I could not just Google the answer, I would look it up in the Encyclopedias. Now they have Ipod’s and MP3’s but when I was a kid we had Walkman’s and cassette tapes. If you were really cool you had a Discman. What things did you love as a kid, that is obsolete now? The more I think about how different the world is now, I more I start to feel like an antique.
This has not been a good week. My week started with my baby girl getting a double ear infection. Then right before my husband leaves for a week-long fishing trip, my 6 year old gets the stomach flu. This ultimately turns into my 10 year old getting the stomach flu and hopefully ends with me getting the stomach flu. So not only have I spent my week fighting back the urge to puke, I have also been cleaning up puke. I did not know so much fluid could come out of such a small body. Not to mention the hours trying to clean the horrible smells that seem to have embedding into the walls. My husband picked a perfect week to be away.
In Weight Watchers land, I started out the week really hungry. The plan just didn’t seem to be satisfying me like before. I don’t know if maybe my body was just adjusting to the change in my eating habits but I was hungry all the time. Then the stomach plaque hit my house and I can’t even look at food. I knew I had to eat or it would make me feel worse, so I stuck to bland foods this week but they weren’t always the healthiest. I know you’re probably thinking the sickness helped my weight loss this week but with the help of Pepto-Bismol, I never actually threw up. I guess it could have hindered my weight loss too because I was no mood to exercise or even move at all.
So the results of my weigh-in this week is…. 188 pounds!!
That is a loss of 2.5 pounds this week. My total weight loss after two weeks on Weight Watchers is 6 pounds. I finally made it to the 180’s and I am very happy with the results so far. For the most part I think the sickness has left the building and my husband comes home in two days. I am ready to return to normal life and maybe find time to start working out.
I love the Saturdays mornings in my house. It’s usually a relaxing morning, we are not in hurry to go anywhere or rush out the door. If I am lucky my husband lets me sleep in because I am not a morning person but he is. When I wake up my kids are usually still in their pajamas, watching cartoons on the couch. I usually make a cup of coffee and join them.
Sometimes I have a hard time watching cartoons with my kids. My brain try’s to rationalize all the details of the storyline and I begin to over analyze them. For example Paw Patrol is a popular cartoon that my kids like to watch. As I am watching this cartoon, all I can think is, where is Ryder’s parents? Does he live in the Look-Out Tower with the pups? Why can the dogs talk and not any other animals, like Cali the cat or Chickaletta the chicken?
Another example is Doc McStuffins. This is what I think when I watch this show: When Doc is playing in the backyard with her toys, does no one ever look out the window to check on her? How do they not see a bunch of toys walking around the backyard? Do her toys really come to life or is it supposed to a representation of her imagination?
The worst one is PJ Masks, this show is a complete mystery to me. The kids fight crime a night but when do they sleep? How do they function during the day with no sleep? Do their parents not see them climb out there window every night? Do their parents ever check on them?
I know that these cartons are not meant to be complex but maybe they should think about having one episode that explains the background story. Like maybe Ryder in Paw Patrol is 18 years old and he moved out of his parents’ house to live with the talking dogs. Maybe Doc McStuffins is in a coma and is dreaming about her stuffed animals coming to life. Maybe the PJ Masks only fight crime from 10pm to 12pm and still get 8 hours of sleep. Just something for the cartoon makers to think about.
I know it is cliché to write about losing weight after New Year’s but I have decided to do something for myself and join Weight Watchers. This is not a plug for Weight Watchers and I am not trying to make money from this, I just want to share my journey with you. Ever since I had my daughter seven months ago, it seems I have been stuck at 194 pounds. Yes, I just shared my weight with the public and it was not easy.
I have always struggled with my weight and I have always been a little chubby. I have accepted that my body type is not meant to be “skinny” but I know that my body is usually happiest around 155 pounds. So I have set 155 pounds as my goal weight. Even though that may still be considered over weight to some people, that is the weight that I feel healthy and good about myself.
Unfortunately, I am not one of those girls that has a baby and then bounces right back to their pre-pregnancy weight. So when I gained about 40 pounds during my pregnancy, it just stuck to me like glue. Everyone said, “Oh, breastfeeding will make the weight just fall off.” NOPE, not for me. I breast feed my daughter for six months and didn’t lose any weight. It gets harder and harder to lose weight with each pregnancy and with each year I get older.
For those of you who don’t know, Weight Watcher’s works on a point system. So each food item is given a point value and you are allowed a certain amount of points per day. I am allowed 30 points a day based on my age, height, current weight and my goals. You also get 42 weekly points that you can use whenever you want to cheat a little. I started Weight Watchers a week ago and my first week has been good, I haven’t felt hungry or deprived, YET.
My week 1 weigh-in was yesterday, drum roll please….. I lost 3.5 pounds. To be honest that is mostly from diet, I did very little working out. So that puts my current weight at 190.5 pounds. I am happy with that loss but I have to say I was a little bummed because I really wanted to get out of the 190’s. Hopefully next week I will see the 180’s on the scale.